Vigil
by Samy Merchi
Summary: During Operation Desert Fox, Captain America and USAgent have a chat.


  
* DISCLAIMER *  
This is a non-profit work of fan-fiction involving  
characters created and owned by Marvel Comics Group.  
  
* WRITTEN BY *  
Samy samerc@mash.yok.utu.fi Merchi  
  
* ARCHIVED AT *  
http://mash.yok.utu.fi/~samerc/fanfic/index.html  
  
* STARRING *  
CAPTAIN AMERICA  
USAGENT  
in  
  
*********  
* VIGIL *  
*********  
  
"I don't like this, Agent", he said in a soft murmur, standing  
outside the tent in silent vigil as a cool breeze blew thru the camp,  
carrying with it the slightest hint of an acrid stench of something  
burning far away in the distance. "I don't like this one bit", he  
repeated, his lips thin, tense lines as his concerned eyes lingered in  
the glowing horizon where occasionally small flashes of light marked  
explosions.  
  
"Nobody 'likes' it, Cap", the other man replied, sitting atop a  
crate marked 'AMMO' with big red letters, as his eyes, too, rested on  
the horizon, glowing red, orange and yellow. "Except psychoes. But  
normal people -- we don't do this stuff because we *like* it. We do  
it because we *have to*." He took a bite out of a sandwich, and chewed  
down on it thoughtfully without even noticing he was eating. "Sh*tty  
job, but somebody's gotta do it, right?"  
  
"I suppose so", answered the Living Legend of World War II, and  
then, slowly, closed his eyes for a moment. "It's funny, Agent", he  
then said, opening his eyes as he turned to face his companion.  
"You'd think someone like me would have gotten used to all of this --"  
he continued, and then silently lowered his eyes to his left wrist.  
His empty left wrist. He felt so -- incomplete, without the familiar  
weight of his star-spangled shield balancing the arm, ready to block  
any danger coming towards him. "I suppose war is something you never  
really get used to."  
  
"Look", USAgent began, and stood up to stand beside the other  
super-patriot. For a moment, John Walker's eyes locked with Steve  
Rogers', and for the first time in all the time USAgent had known the  
legend called Captain America -- for the first time, Agent saw  
weariness in the eyes of the Sentinel of Liberty. And John hesitated.  
His eyes lowered away from Captain America's, and fell to regard the  
insignificant little sandwich in his hand.  
  
Frustrated with an inability to find the right words, USAgent just  
pulled his arm back, and then tossed the sandwich towards the horizon,  
as if it were launched by the slingshot of some little David in a vain  
effort to attempt to stop the goliath of a war looming in the future.  
The piece of bread disappeared into the darkness, leaving behind only  
two old soldiers, staring after it almost as if hoping for it to  
return and bring some answers. But no answers were forthcoming. Only  
more erratic flashes of light and flame in the horizon.  
  
"Look", Agent tried again after long minutes of silence. "It's a  
lot better to get this done and over with now, than let that desert  
rat rebuild his arsenal, thinking we're a buncha p*ssies who'll let  
him do whatever he wants. When a kid gets outta line, the parent's  
gotta slap 'im."  
  
A twinkle of moonlight reflected off Captain America's eyes as he  
watched USAgent for several moments, his thoughts unknown to everyone  
but himself. "It's not so much *what* we're doing that bothers me,  
Agent, as *how* we're doing it", he finally said, and absently, his  
right hand wandered over to his left wrist, a fingertip running over  
the knob that triggered his energy shield. Touching it, but not  
pressing it down. "I was never in Vietnam, you know."  
  
"So?" Agent replied. His eyes didn't miss the subtle body language  
of his comrade-in-arms, and he glanced briefly towards his own  
Stark-designed gauntlets which projected energy shields similar to  
Captain America's current SHIELD-designed energy shield. "I was never  
in World War II. Seems to me we're even, right?"  
  
Captain America moved aside a bit to make way for two soldiers in  
full desert gear passing between the two super-patriots. He, like  
Agent, briefly returned the grunts' salutes, before returning to the  
tense silence. "That's not exactly what I meant", he then answered,  
and took a deep breath, his eyes looking into the distance as if  
thinking of something else entirely. "I'm used to fighting in cities.  
In close quarters. This --" He shook his head quietly.  
  
"You don't like just dropping bombs on people and watching them die  
from distance", John Walker said matter-of-factly, and then stepped  
over to stand beside Rogers, placing a hand onto Steve's shoulder. "I  
get your point. Back in 'Nam, we got used to calling in airstrikes,  
or tanks, to get support. To take care of business for us. You want  
to be there, in the front lines, taking care of business yourself."  
  
"I'm not used to waiting", Captain America admitted, a slightly  
pained look passing thru his face briefly, gone before USAgent could  
even be completely sure it had ever been there. "It feels...selfish.  
It feels...feels --"  
  
"-- cowardly?"  
  
Steve Rogers blinked, and turned his face fully towards John  
Walker. For a moment, it seemed to John as if Steve's eyes almost  
narrowed in anger, but it was as passing and brief as the pained look  
had been. Maybe it never was there. "So many useless deaths", he  
said quietly, turning his eyes back towards the horizon.  
  
"You think if you were there, in the front lines, that wouldn't  
have to be the case", USAgent just stated, and looked up at the dark  
sky, and the pale moonlight shining thru the clouds. "You know, Cap,  
you've been with the Avengers too long."  
  
A blond eyebrow rose slightly higher, but the head turned not, this  
time. He simply looked towards John from the corner of his eye. "You  
think saving lives isn't worth it these days?"  
  
"All I'm saying", John replied, "is that this is war. We're  
playing under a different set of rules. You don't play poker with  
blackjack rules, Cap. Or you can, but you won't win like that." He  
frowned a bit, and ran a hand over the top of the skullcap of his  
costume. "Remember back when you guys disbanded the West Coast  
Avengers?"  
  
"We only did it because --"  
  
"Yeah yeah, whatever", John just waved the explanations off with  
his hand. "That's not the point. Remember when Rhodes quit back  
then?" he continued. "Remember what he did next? Next thing we knew,  
he was in the news backin' the civil war in Imaya, gettin' involved in  
a UN member country's internal affairs without any clearance other  
than what he thought was right."  
  
"I remember", Steve nodded. "He helped the Imayan rebellion fight  
against the military forces, and overthrow the dictator."  
  
"You weren't too happy about it."  
  
"No, I wasn't", Captain America nodded in agreement. "War Machine  
had no right to interfere in the internal affairs of Imaya -- the  
United Nations was taking steps to work out Imaya's problems  
peacefully, without any need for a civil war. He almost created an  
international incident."  
  
USAgent nodded once. "And what do you want to do now?" he then  
asked, walking back over to the ammo crate and sitting down on it.  
"You want to go to Baghdad, blowin' your bugle an' setting things  
right."  
  
"That's not the same thing, Agent", Steve replied in a somewhat  
neutral tone.  
  
"How so?" John simply asked, leaning back a bit so he could easily  
look up at the starlit sky.  
  
"War Machine was pushing forward a rebellion against a country's  
legitimate ruler. Eda Arul's presidency was acknowledged by the  
United Nations. Here in Iraq, we, the United Nations, are trying to  
bring Saddam Hussein down. We are fighting on the UN's side here.  
War Machine was fighting against the UN."  
  
"It's that simple to you, huh?" Agent asked with a quiet shake of  
his head. "Nothing to do with right and wrong?"  
  
"It has everything to do with right and wrong", Captain America  
answered. "Rhodes was going against the law. We're going with the  
law."  
  
"But the law isn't always right", John retorted. "Arul was a  
pretty bad motherf*cker, worse than Hussein. But because the UN says  
he's cool, and Hussein isn't, it's right for us to try and take  
Hussein down, but it was wrong for Rhodey to try and take Arul down."  
  
"Essentially", Steve nodded.  
  
"You're weird, Cap", John said as he sat up with a sigh, shaking  
his head.  
  
"If everyone just did what they thought was right, the world would  
degenerate into anarchy, Agent", Steve answered. "We have laws,  
systems to abide by, to keeps us from sliding back to the stone  
age --"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever", John muttered as he stood up. "I'm gonna  
go hit the can. Give me a yell if something happens, okay?"  
  
"All right", Steve nodded, and then watched John start to walk  
away. The younger man perhaps got half a dozen paces away, before  
Steve called, "Agent?"  
  
John stopped, and glanced at Steve over his shoulder. "Yeah?"  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
USAgent quirked an eyebrow. "We were told to." He shrugged a bit.  
"And it's the right thing to do. Hussein's a stupid bastard who needs  
to get the sh*t kicked outta him." He paused, and his eyebrow rose  
further. "You?"  
  
"We were told to", Captain America simply replied.  
  
Only minutes ago, USAgent had seen an emotion in Captain America's  
eyes that he had never seen there before. Weariness. Now, that  
experience repeated itself. But the emotion wasn't weariness. John's  
forehead furrowed slightly, and he turned away, walking off.  
  
It was envy.  
  
***  



End file.
